What Ever Were They Thinking? - Comments

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Comment From Richard

Richard — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:31:37 PM -0400

So there I was, making some fish fillets... Minding my own business... When the box told me to get a "4-sided baking pan".

"Huh? Why the hell are they asking for a 4-sided baking pan?
I assume they're excluding the bottom side, but I've got pans with short sides. Do those qualify as sides in this case? I need a picture :("

Google to the rescue! "4-sided baking pan", and I landed here.

Thanks for the laugh. :)

Comment From Jason

Jason — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 01:20:13 AM -0400

Just fry them at 350 for 4 minutes depending on how long it takes for your fryer to return to 350 when you drop the fish in.I usually take it out as soon as it turns a few shades darker.They taste better deep fried.But that's just me. Or Not....

Comment From Richard Schwartz

Richard Schwartz — Tue, 9 Oct 2007 10:43:19 PM -0400

Jimmy,

I love your outlook on things. 10 sides it is!

I also love your music.

Comment From Jimmy Page

Jimmy Page — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:51:21 PM -0400

Richard...

I realize this is an old conversation but I just found it.. After reading this blog on fish cooking instructions, I feel I have to propose an alternative to your 6 sides pan..

In fact, would it not have 10? (4 InSides, 4 OutSides, 1 Above and 1 under?)

P.S.: Thanks for the laugh. I just learned about your site today and no, I will never doubt the power of Schwartz.

Regards..

Jimmy!

Comment From Richard Schwartz

Richard Schwartz — Sun, 9 Sep 2007 08:21:49 PM -0400

Hello, Mr. "Beer Pong Tables".

The game you describe on your site bears zero resemblance to the game of beer pong that I know. It seems to be more akin to tiddly-winks with ping pong balls and beer cups, than it is to the true game of beer pong. C'est la vie, I suppose -- but someday you might want to actually play a beer pong game with paddles, the way it was first played on campuses many years ago, and how the Beer Gods intended for it to be played :

Comment From Beer Pong Tables

Beer Pong Tables — Sun, 9 Sep 2007 06:51:17 PM -0400

I attend SUNY Albany in New York and they are very strict about beer pong on campus. Although you are allowed to drink and have alcohol on campus if you are 21, you are not allowed to play beer pong, citing claims that promotes binge drinking.

I don't really think it promotes binge drinking. A game of beer pong, between 2 averagely skilled teams, takes about a half hour usually. In that half hour each player will have drank 1 beer. 2 beers an hour isnt binge drinking. Also, the losing team gets off, so even good teams usually dont last longer than 2 or 3 games before they are removed. 3 beers in an hour and a half isn't binge drinking, the average college student drinks more sitting around watching football or hanging out at a party.

Comment From Frank

Frank — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 02:18:11 PM -0400

Thanks for posting this. I happened to grab this item to bring to lunch at work today, frozen of course, as there is an oven at work, and tossed the box before thinking about the directions. Not only did I get a laugh out of the site, but I will be enjoying some fish in approximately 12-14 minutes, right off that middle rack. I am sorry I cannot disclose the nature of the pan I hope to cook. (Actually it might be some tin foil.) btw to other posters, many quality frozen fish products come from overseas, such as China. Some of the best tilapia fillets come from China, probably farmed... the best "seafood mix" I have had included squid, scallops, shrimp and mussels and the country of origin was Thailand. Of course, Alaskan seafood is the best, especially if you have the money to be so nationalistic. Don't want to support communist economies? Buy Alaskan salmon. Don't want farmed fish? Buy Alaskan salmon. Want food rich in omega-3? Buy Alaskan salmon. Want to buy from a high quality, not-a-giant-corporation outlet, google "Dancing Salmon" or go to these guys website: http://www.dancingsalmon.net/ ... of course, for me, today... I will chew on some of these fish "thingies" ... thanks for the directions to cook them!

Comment From sardinia

sardinia — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 07:58:05 AM -0400

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Comment From libera

libera — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:35:30 PM -0400

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Comment From karen

karen — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 07:27:47 PM -0400

omg, this is hysterical. i read my instructions tonite (on a product that tasted worse than the box it came in i betcha) and thought

Ha, WHAT would happen if I used my round cake pan?? and low and behold, a fellow cynic!! thanks for the laugh...the nurse and sarah sure are stuffy!!

Comment From karen

karen — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 07:27:43 PM -0400

omg, this is hysterical. i read my instructions tonite (on a product that tasted worse than the box it came in i betcha) and thought
Ha, WHAT would happen if I used my round cake pan?? and low and behold, a fellow cynic!! thanks for the laugh...the nurse and sarah sure are stuffy!!

Comment From Richard Schwartz

Richard Schwartz — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 07:32:13 PM -0400

Sarah,

Thanks to you, too, for dropping by. If you were looking for the Van de Kamp web site, I suggest just searching for "Van de Kamp" instead of "Van de Kamp frozen fish fillets". For the latter, indeed my page does come up first. For the former, Pinnacle Foods -- the owners of Van de Kamp come up first, and my page isn't in the top 50.

Anyhow, it's called "humor". Sarcastic, satiric, yes. Mean, no. Trust me, if I wanted to be mean, I could have come up with much, much better things to do than ribbing Van de Kamp about the fact that their instructions are unnecessarily over-specific about the pan.

In my wildest dreams, I think that maybe someone at Pinnacle Foods actually read my message, chuckled, and maybe even forwarded it around the company... but I really doubt that happened. I never received any response at all, so as far as wasting their time and diverting them from solving legitimate problems like yours... I really doubt it. I guess I'm just not in Don Novello's class. Ever hear of him? You might want to find a copy of his book "The Laszlo Letters". It might make you laugh. Or maybe you'll think he's mean. I dunno. Don Novello is better known as "Father Guido Sarducci", by the way.

-rich

Comment From Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 12:48:27 PM -0400

I would have to agree a bit with the nurse. Do we have to be so mean about human errors or rip people apart over simple things over- looked? I run a child care and just found your web site looking for Van de Kamp's web site to file a real complaint that I hope is answered in a timely manner and not slowed down by people with non-health or safety issue concerns filing complaints that waste customer service agents time and keep them from checking into very serious complaints such as mine where every fish fillet I served my children ( which by the way for the person who commented on you eating them at all, are approved by the Wisconsin Sate Food Program) had a dark soggy piece of cardboard cooked in between the batter and the fish.

Comment From Richard Schwartz

Richard Schwartz — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 11:02:57 PM -0400

Why, thanks for dropping by, Dawn! You're wrong on almost all counts, but thanks anyhow.

Too much time on my hands? Hah! That would explain why I hadn't taken the time to post anything new in here in 9 months.

Question everything and everyone? Well, you got me on that one. Of course, sometimes I'm doing it with tongue in cheek, but yeah... I do that. Ever hear of Socrates? He made a pretty good career out of doing exactly that, but it did get him into a bit of trouble.

Worry about the soldiers dying in Iraq? Yep. I do. Want to challenge me to a current events quiz? I'll bet I win, hands down.

Not a registered voter? Hah! Not only am I registered, and not only do I vote, but I'm an attendee of political rallys and volunteer in campaigns, too.

Get a life? Thanks, but I've got one. A busy one, too.

Glad to hear you're a nurse. I'm married to one. I can drive her crazy sometimes, too.

As for the smiling, people ask me why I don't smile more. I have no idea what they're talking about, because usually I think I'm smiling when they're telling me I'm not. And I joke a lot, too, but sometimes some people don't get it. And that, by the way, is a hint.

Comment From Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 09:24:17 PM -0400

You people have way too much time on your hands and obviously nothing of great importance going on in your life. Directions on the box are for people like you, who have to question everything and everyone. Please, worry about our soldiers who are dying in Iraq....because you probaby aren't even a registered voter. GET A LIFE.

Regards- A very concerned RN for people who are going to develop cardiac problems for minor stressors in life!

Have a good day...and remember to smile!

Comment From Janet Parker

Janet Parker — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 11:41:24 AM -0400

I was amazed to discover that the fish in the Van De Kamp boxes are from China!!! It does say they are processed in the United States but why are all the fish coming from China? This is a concern for me and the people I know who discovered this.

Comment From Jon Z

Jon Z — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:14:42 PM -0400

I'm shocked -- shocked! -- to find that drinking is going on.

Comment From Doris

Doris — Thu, 23 Feb 2006 03:52:05 PM -0400

yes I know it said to bake the fish in the oven but what i want to know is can I deep fry the fish please let me know and how long should I leave in fryer?

Comment From Robert P "mrob" Munafo '86

Robert P "mrob" Munafo '86 — Thu, 8 Dec 2005 11:02:04 PM -0400

My god. There was BEER in those taps? We were drinking! Get me a defense attorney -- what's the statute of limitations in New Hampshire?

Comment From Derek LeLash

Derek LeLash — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 01:39:28 AM -0400

TABLE!